The official site of The Life and Times of Car Johnson
Do a gig to promote your work
The owner looked up from his place behind the bar and waved us over to the stage. “Guys,” he said, “we have a special treat for you tonight. My brother found another act.” Everyone groaned, but they moved away from the stage and let us set up. Despite the cold welcome, I was ready to show them just how much fun country and cow fetuses could be. We gave it our all, and I even invented a new cow fetus dance, which consisted of scrunching down and waddling around like a penguin. After we finished Cow Fetuses Need Love Too,
I took the opportunity to try out my new song, Cow Fetus Picnic, which went:
Oh, bring out the corn, bring out the bread,
Cow fetuses can have fun, even though dead.
Let’s fling some horseshoes, let’s not have a care,
Hold your cow fetus straight up in the air!
Their skin is preserved, their jars are sturdy,
Don’t ya’ll thing these bovines are purdy?
And if you don’t, we don’t give a hoot,
This picnic is for cow fetus lovers and we’ll give you the boot!
After three hours of repeating both songs over and over, plus a few showtunes to make the audience happy, I realized that they were all too drunk to care. We could have played an accordion version of It’s a Small World and it wouldn’t have prodded them out of their semiconscious states. They weren’t like that originally, but it seemed the longer we went on, the more they drank. Oh well, at least we got in some good practice and Mr. Sanders had an extensive network of bars and restaurants owned by his relatives we could try. Next stop, Susan’s Tea Emporium!