The official site of The Life and Times of Car Johnson
The Adventures of Kitten Kittenly
Kitten Kittenly had a dream.
She wanted to take over the world.
But she was just a kitten and kittens were only good at pouncing on yarn and climbing drapes.
If Kitten saw one more ball of yarn or one more drape,
she would puke her little kitten heart out all over her kitten bed.
And she knew just where to shove the next ball of yarn a sappy human offered her.
She was tired of bows, she was tired of cuddles.
She was tired of being a precious weshush little pawn of humans.
They were the pawns, not her.
It was high time Kitten used her super intelligence and genetic cuteness for her own devices.
So, Kitten crafted a death ray out of squeaky mice and flea collars,
plus some plutonium and electronics she stole from the super villain next door.
She turned on the death ray and demanded all the world’s governments be handed over to her.
“Here are my demands,” she said,
as she burned half of france just because.
“First, I want tributes of tuna, fresh tuna, not that canned crap! And everyone will do as I say, when I say it, or suffer the consequences!”
So, Kitten forced the world to its knees and made everyone give her tuna, while she lounged around in the sun, doing nothing and gouging the eyes out of anyone who tried to pet her.
Actually, Kitten wasn’t really all that different from a regular adult house cat, except she had a death ray and would regularly burn people to death for fun.