I figured that there couldn’t be much risk in dating an old lady. I emailed her and demanded to meet in a very public diner near my house. She accepted and set the date up for the next day. When I got there, the diner was filled with lots of people, but only one elderly woman… my Grandma Mavis.

She waved me over and told me that I’d never find a nice girl through a dating service and that she only did it to meet cute young men. When she saw I had contacted her for a possible date, she decided not to say who she was, since she felt I needed a break from the dating scene, and a nice dinner with Grandma would to the trick. So, I sat down, not for a date, but to eat hamburgers with my grandmother, and to contemplate how I was eating hamburgers with my grandmother instead of being out on a date. That’s when I decided dating sites sucked. They just weren’t for me. Spilling my guts on a website and going out with freaks was just too much trouble. Getting girls the old fashioned way was easier and the freaks didn’t turn out quite so freaky. If I wanted to meet ladies through the internet, I’d meet them through my Cow Fetus Appreciation Society website. If I ever got any members. Plus, the waitress that brought our food looked pretty hot. So, I asked her out for beers.